Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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