$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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