Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
