...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
