Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
why do cheetos always look like penises
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
