What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
