No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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