once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
