the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Randomize
