You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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