so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
