oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
