bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize