Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
