She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
