Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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