I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
