Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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