I looked at my own cervix.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
