May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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