I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
