shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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