No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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