I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
