saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
