You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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