I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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