Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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