If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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