So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
