I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
