Having a random hookup so left but love u
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
