The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
