Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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