Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
