meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
