If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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