The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
