HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize