those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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