I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm just crazy horny about you
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
