Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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