she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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