I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
