grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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