i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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