Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Your tits are I can't wait for
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
