is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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