I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You pole danced in your parka.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
