i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
