Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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