Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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