I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
