She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
