oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
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