Sry I called you an 8
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
