im having a threesome with these popsicles
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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