You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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