I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
