And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
